Another Little Known Fact

Dear Reader,

Despite my self-proclaimed lack of effort on other things today, I have been (and am being) remarkably productive in thinking of things to post.

For instance, I recall that some of you might not know that I love Halloween more than almost any other holiday. Apart from the various elements connected to the feasts of All Souls’ and All Saints’ (which are completely awesome), everyone in my immediate vicinity will try to give me

free candy

for the duration of Halloween. This led me to speculate further:

Candy is, on many levels, utterly wonderful. Specifically, I intend to argue for near-complete ontological perfection (with, however, a real distinction between its yumminess and its act of being – in Latin, “yummia” and “esse”) of the substance known as “chocolate.”

Following my scholastic principles and Aristotelian logic, I proffer the following extended set of syllogisms:

1. All created beings image God’s being
2a. God is the cause of all being.
2b. God is not a being in the strict sense; He possesses being only insofar as His act of existing is analogous to ours as a cause supremely surpassing all created modes.
2. Chocolate is a created being.
3. Therefore, chocolate images God. (conclusion from 1 and 2)
4. Everything that images God does so because God possesses the pure perfection correlative to the perfection of that thing.
4a. God is the pure act of existence without any potential for further perfection that He lacks. This is because He causes all being.
4b. God possesses in super-eminent fashion any property which a thing possesses which is purely a perfection as such.
5. The unique taste and properties of chocolate obviously imply a pure perfection.
6. Therefore, God is the best chocolate ever. (conclusion from 4 and 5)
7. Therefore, I need to gorge myself on chocolate and put myself in a diabetic shock by the end of this post. (immediate practical syllogism)

You may now return to your humdrum lives. But leave the chocolate.

Yours in Christ,
Br. James Dominic, OP


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