I am a great lover of the conical chasuble – this is quite simply a chasuble in the shape of a “cone” or bell. Let me illustrate it’s awesomeness:
Step 1: I am wearing a cone of fabric. Not yet completely awesome, although the capuche over my head has begun the inevitable progression toward complete domination of awesomeness.
Step 2: Raise arms in Batman posture (crime-stopping included at no additional charge)
Watch out there, bud! You won't be picking up any girls looking like that! Back up to step 2.
Step 3: At this point, a maniple spontaneously appears on the wearer's arm, draw by the magnetic attraction of complete awesome to the immediate vicinity. On a related note, 3 Communists spontaneously burst into flames from the coincidence of the aforementioned items in the same physical space. That completed Step 4.
Step 5: You've now put on a conical chasuble. Congratulations on being awesome. Proceed directly to heaven. You have won.
If any liturgist should tell you differently, complaining of inconvenience or lack of contact with reality, just go to the next level entirely:
Take that, you liturgical barmpots of the world. Have at thee!
Yours in Christ,
Br. James Dominic, OP