Ear Candles AND YOU!

Dear Readers,

Somebody recently brought me an advertisement from a store that sold “herbs” and “alternative treatments.” I personally find my medicaments elsewhere, but was curious about some of the treatment options. One under the heading of “Energy Work,” performed by the thrice-licensed practicioner of Reiki magicaments was Debb (with TWO “b”s), was the treatment called “ear candling.” I did not know what this was, so I did a quite Google image search.

I pretty much laughed myself to death when I saw this picture on Google:

The benefits of putting a lighted taper in your ear are obvious.

Nevertheless, I began a wonderful adventure into the world of the ear candlers. These mysterious ear-candlers in the mist…

Celebrities are clear sources of authority on the subject of medicaments - just look at Jessica Simpson, Ph-freaking-D, as she puts a lit candle in her ear!

Reading about it yields even funnier results:

Ear candling, also called ear coning or thermal-auricular therapy,

My phrase of the day: “thermal-auricular therapy.”

is an alternative medicine practice claimed to improve general health and well-being by lighting one end of a hollow candle and placing the other end in the ear canal.

According to medical researchers, it is both dangerous and ineffective.

What do they know, practicioners of Western psycho-therapeutic gobbeldy-gook!?

They merely reinforce the Western paradigm of keri-entos-synantisism (the demonic belief that candles need to be in properly made light fixtures) through their biopolitical strateg-eries.



I read that the US FDA has this to say about ear-candling:

[ear candles are] dangerous to health when used in the dosage or manner, or with the frequency or duration, prescribed, recommended, or suggested in the labeling thereof … since the use of a lit candle in the proximity of a person’s face would carry a high risk of causing potentially severe skin/hair burns and middle ear damage.

See what lies are perpetrated by “the Man”!

Fire giving you burns! B and S.

A courageous soldier battling keri-entos-synantism AND anti-marijuana laws AT THE SAME TIME!


The ear candle is being marketed as an “ancient Native American Hopi tradition.”

I particularly like the Hopi tribe’s reaction to that marketing gimmik:

“The Hopi Cultural Preservation Office is not aware of Hopi people ever practicing ‘Ear Candling.’

To translate for the non-Hopi speaking readers of my blog: “We’re not stupid enough to put lit candles into our ears like total idiots.”

Biosun and Revital Ltd. [two companies that market “ear candles”] are misrepresenting the name ‘Hopi’ with their products. This therapy should not be called ‘Hopi Ear Candeling.’ The history of Ear Candeling should not refer to as being used by the Hopi Tribe. Use of this false information with reference to Hopi should be stopped.”

Translation: “We don’t want to be associated with the stupidity vortex converging around the ear candle.”


And now, a word of medical advice from a Georgian physician:


You may now return to your ordinary lives.


Yours in Christ,

Br. James Dominic, OP

  1. #1 by Jay Smith on January 14, 2011 - 6:28 pm

    I thought this was pretty good. I would love to see some more stuff like this on your site. Keep up the great work!

  2. #2 by Trinidad Callon on September 3, 2011 - 8:28 pm

    need more creatine brah, could have added another 4inches with another 200g per day brah

  3. #4 by agirl on August 8, 2013 - 12:16 am

    Wow, what a bunch of idiots. Do let me know how it feels to get your ears clogged with candle wax.

  1. hearing damage

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